Category: funny

1. A Zen student goes to a temple and asks how long it will take him to gain enlightenment if he joins the temple.
“Ten years,” says the Zen master.
“Well, how about if I really work and double my effort?”
“Twenty years.”

2. A Zen student asked his master, “Is it OK to use email?”
“Yes,” replied the master, “But no attachments.”

3. One Zen student said, “My teacher is the best. He can go days without eating.”
The second said, “My teacher has so much self-control, he can go days without sleep.”
The third said, “My teacher is so wise that he eats when he’s hungry and sleeps when he’s tired.”

4. A Zen master once said to me, “Do the opposite of whatever I tell you.” So I didn’t.

5. A Zen master visiting New York City goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything.”
The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it.
“Excuse me, but where’s my change?” asks the Zen master.
“O my brother,” says the vendor, “change comes from within.”

6. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

7. Four monks were meditating in a monastery when, all of a sudden, the prayer flag on the roof started flapping.
The youngest monk came out of his meditation and said, “Flag is flapping.”
The second, more experienced monk said, “Wind is flapping.”
The third monk, who had been there for more than twenty years, said, “Mind is flapping.”
The fourth monk, who was the eldest, said, “Mouths are flapping!”

8. It may be that your sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.

9. An aspiring monk asked to enter a monastery and attach himself to a guru.
“Very well,” said the guru, “but all students here observe the vow of silence. You will be allowed to speak only once in every twelve years.
After the first twelve years, the student said, “The bed is too hard.”
After another twelve years, he said, “The food is not good.”
Twelve more years later, after thirty-six years of hard work and meditation, he said, “I quit.”
“Good,” snapped his guru, “all you have been doing is complain.”

10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.